“Who said anything about ‘him’?”: An Unsullied reaction to the Season 5 trailer

Brandon Nowalk is a freelance television and film critic whose work has appeared at The A.V. Club, Indiewire, Salon, and more. He’s just begun two new series at the blog he never updates, But What She Said. He thinks it’s time to resurrect King Renly already. He’s also written for us before about Thrones and Outlander, and will be providing Unsullied analysis for us going forward. 

When Tyrion and Varys decided to take a trip across the pond in the Season 4 finale, I naturally hoped that might eventually lead them to a particular bed-and-breakfast in Slaver’s Bay, which I hear is lovely this time of year. But given the pace of things in Essos, I never expected they’d be considering the journey so soon. Then along comes the Season 5 trailer, priming us for just such an event. It’s a low-def bootleg cam on YouTube, so I’m not positive what I’m looking at part of the time, but it gets its point across: “Who said anything about ‘him’?”

Game of Thrones has been trending away from its macho patriarchs and toward its more cunning women since day one, and look how far it’s come….

Brienne apparently takes the first voice-over (“Nothing’s more hateful than failing to protect the one you love”) as we watch Joffrey’s parents trade meaningful glances. Jaime never speaks in the trailer, but Cersei does, and she also gets to open this delicious Venus flytrap box. Then Littlefinger advises Sansa to get some vengeance. A Dornish woman demonstrates her facility with a bullwhip. Unless I missed something, the Boltons never appear, although I think I spotted Theon. Even at The Wall, where there’s a strong male king and a very prominent male character, the scenes are dominated by Melisandre and her funeral pyre. (Who’s she burning, by the way?) One of the best shots is a backlit, glowing Margaery hugging someone—Tommen?—and giving us the glare equivalent of Sansa walking down the steps of the Vale in her black feathered dress.

These young and savvy women are finally taking their places in the halls of power. Meanwhile in Essos, Tyrion and Varys consider dedicating their services to “a ruler loved by millions with a powerful army and the right family name,” Daenerys Targaryen. And Dany vows, “I’m not going to stop the wheel. I’m going to break the wheel.” The glimpses of Meereen in chaos sell her out, but the fact remains. The age of the matriarch is upon us.

It follows that we’d finally get to supposedly gender-progressive Dorne, but that’s the part that suffers most from the bootleg quality. First of all the trailer only has so much time, and it only has so much inclination to reveal the show’s secrets, hence the lone glimpse of Arya. Second, Dorne is exactly what you expect (Spain), but it could pass for King’s Landing or parts of Essos. And we don’t know most of the characters from Dorne, so at first sight, we might try to fill in that information with lookalikes. All together that’s a recipe for missing pretty much everything the Dorne scenes are saying. Except, that is, for that bullwhip and what sure looks like Jaime paying the Martells a visit. To negotiate in the wake of the Mountain’s confession? To check on Myrcella? Just to get away from Cersei?

The biggest surprise for me is seeing characters I feared were now bench-warmers. Apparently Jorah is embarking on a quest to reenact Gladiator. Is that Bronn pulling a sword from his scabbard? And Lady Olenna even gets some dialogue. Presumably she’s back in King’s Landing for the wedding of King Tommen and Queen Margaery. But somewhere private she tells someone, “They’ll never even find what’s left of you.” Is she threatening someone? Is she warning Margaery away from doing something that could get her killed? I can’t think of a single explanation for that line that doesn’t whet my appetite for Season 5.

Apparently the Wildlings are still in play, which means the producers are going to have to introduce some more Wildling characters because the ones we know are dead (Ygritte, Orell) or captured (Mance, Tormund). Until then the Wilding attack plays like just another scene from The Hobbit with its CGI army of nobodies. It looks like they’re rowing up to the edge of The Wall to attack the castle on the far side, but why? Why not just row past The Wall if the goal is simply to get on the safe side?

The other big battle sequence is an uprising in Meereen, which is, to me, approximately the fourteenth most interesting location for more fighting. I have no doubt that the battle will be exciting, and that I will worry for Team Dany when they’re finally surrounded by men in golden masks in some arena like it’s Revenge of the Sith, but at the moment Dany’s violent, high-stakes bildungsroman isn’t high on my list of reasons to tune in, and I expect that’s why the producers tossed us this particular bloody chum. (Personally, I’d be more excited for those men of the Vale to see some action at Littlefinger’s or better yet Sansa’s behest.)

But Tyrion and Varys in Essos is what I’ve been dying for all hiatus. They look anxious disembarking at a new continent, and they’re cloaked, as if that could disguise Tyrion Lannister. I’m a little disappointed Varys’ theatrical background didn’t come in handy with some spirit gum facial hair and elaborate makeup. They seem lost, unsure what to do next, but Varys has an idea. Their dialogue is probably abridged, but the trailer gives us some bullet points.

“I believe men of talent have a part to play in the war to come,” says Varys. So that answers my first question. Tyrion and Varys aren’t entering witness protection. They’re very much still in the game.

Tyrion replies, “I will never sit on the Iron Throne.” He seems too despondent about that fact to recall his days on the Small Council, when the subject of the Targaryen girl and her dragons was a recurring topic. Otherwise he might be a little quicker on the uptake.

“You could help another climb those steps and take that seat…The seven kingdoms needs a ruler loved by millions with a powerful army and the right family name.”

“Good luck finding him.”

“Who said anything about ‘him’?”

The trailer could have been just this Tyrion and Varys sequence and I’d be pumped for Season 5. Unless this is all some elaborate fake-out, Tyrion and Varys are heading to Meereen. Dany will finally interact with other major characters. Now, after all the near-misses among the scattered Starks, I’m not getting my hopes up for Tyrion to meet Dany any time soon. But it’s an exciting goal for the season, one that’s somewhat more concrete than “Stannis turning his attention to the North” or “Bran following a mutant bird to a tree.”

And it’s better still for the Dany storyline. When the Iron Queen exiled her best advisor without a second thought, it felt like the second act turning point of a rom-com where the couple breaks up. And then she found out her new subjects have some very reasonable gripes with her occupation. And then she had to lock up two of her dragons. Meereen was becoming a pity party. What better way to liven things up than adding Tyrion?

• Published on 01/30/2015 at 3:41 PM CDT
• Last updated on 10/21/2016 at 1:06 PM CDT