Game of Thrones Episode 503, “High Sparrow,” GIF Recap

Episode 3 of Game of Thrones’ fifth season had its share of memorable moments. We had Arya dropping the C-word with a flare that would make the Hound proud, flayed people, Sansa’s return to Winterfell, Jon beheading Janos, and Tyrion getting abducted by Ser Friend-Zone. Oh, and in midst of all those great scenes, we were treated to beautiful shots of the Long Bridge in Volantis, and a haunting look at Moat Cailin.

With all these great moments just floating around in one show, the only real way to do them justice is by giffing the heck out of them. So, without further adieu, let’s get started.

Arya observed the Faceless Man giving the gift to a poor soul who just wanted to be released of his earthly bonds.

Arya and the Waif seemed to not get along at first…

…so the Waif hit her, an Arya called her a c#@t. I think Arya has met her match.

Arya had to do away with her old life, so that she could truly become no-one.

But she just could not toss Needle into the water. Thank the gods.

“Needle was Robb and Bran and Rickon, her mother and her father, even Sansa. Needle was Winterfell’s grey walls, and the laughter of its people. Needle was the summer snows, Old Nan’s stories, the heart tree with its red leaves and scary face, the warm earthy smell of the glass gardens, the sound of the north wind rattling the shutters of her room. Needle was Jon Snow’s smile. He used to mess my hair and call me “little sister,” she remembered, and suddenly there were tears in her eyes.” ~A Feast for Crows

Tell me this scene didn’t capture that quote perfectly.

In King’s Landing, King Tommen married Margaery Tyrell, much to Cersei’s displeasure. It’s probably good news for the local wine merchants, though.

The newly crowned Queen Margaery made quick with the bedroom eyes.

Then it was time for Royal sexy-time. We are all proud of you, Tommen. Well done.

Cersei tried to immediately undermine her new daughter-in-law, but it’s obviously too late for the Dowager Queen, because Tommen is clearly under Margaery’s spell. JUST GO BACK TO CASTERLY ROCK ALREADY, MOM…GAWD!

This resulted in a showdown between the new queen and the old one. Margaery struck first with the super-burn about Cersei’s day drinking, but Cersei drew down with the death stare. This one’s too close to call, I guess we’ll have to wait for the next round.

Cersei’s anger walk is not to be taken lightly.

The High Septon had a rough go at it, when the sparrows interfered with his ministry to the devout whores of the brothel.

And Cersei meets the High Sparrow. Is she trying to make a new alliance?

After speaking with the high Sparrow, Cersei visited Qyburn, and something jumped around under the sheet. Franken-Gregor?

In the North, Littlefinger revealed his plans to marry Sansa to Ramsay Bolton, not an appetizing prospect for a young woman in the full bloom of youth who wants to survive to see her twenties. Of course, Sansa almost reverted back to her mewling cry-baby days, but Lord Baelish quickly reigned her in. I hope this is the true birth of Dark Sansa.

Avenge them, Sansa.

Moat Cailin is haunting in this shot. Also, it kind of looks like Littlefinger and Sansa and fist-bumping towards the beginning of the GIF. Oh, these two.

Meanwhile, the Boltons are in full control of Winterfell.

As is evidenced by the flayed bodies being hung by the chimney with care, in hopes that Lord Ramsay would soon be there.

Lord Roose Bolton was none too pleased with his son, and made sure to get his attention. PAY ATTENTION RAMSAY.

Littlefinger and Sansa finally arrive at Winterfell.

I was sure that Sansa was about to slide a shiv into Roose’s ribs, here. Or, at the very least, throw the new Warden of the North a solid headbutt.

Sansa is shown her chambers, and my favorite line of the show was uttered by a sweet old lady. “The North remembers.”

Theon, or Reek, or whoever Ramsay wants him to be today, is trying his best to avoid Sansa. I wonder if she knows he’s there, but is following the training she received from Littlefinger and ignoring him until the right moment. “Reek, I’m Reek. It rhymes with shoveling horse crap.”

We were treated to a very special showdown of powerful players, in the toe-to-toe meeting between Lord Petyr Baelish and Roose Bolton. This is going up there with the Tywin and Lady Olenna’s verbal sparring from last season.

Even further north, newly minted Lord Commander Jon Snow was payed a visit by King Stannis. I’m not sure how I feel about the show forcing Olly on us, as Jon’s steward. It clearly should be Edd.

Jon made Ser Alliser First Ranger, a very cool move on his part.

Then all hell broke loose and Janos Slynt decided to show his ass. Jon responded appropriately. And, while we book readers didn’t get, “Edd, fetch me a block,” show watchers got, “Olly, get my sword,” which just doesn’t have the same effect. So I made a GIF to make both sides happy, you’re all welcome.

Janos probably soiled his small clothes, here.

Jon almost showed mercy…

…but there was no way he could. He had to show that his orders must be obeyed or else, and he earned respect from Stannis. AT LEAST WE GOT THE STANNIS NOD!

Here’s a remix, for posterity.

In Volantis, we got to see the Long Bridge.

And Tyrion was losing his mind in the wheelhouse.

A Red Priestess was preaching to the slaves of Volantis, spreading the gospel of Daenerys Targaryen.

Then she gave Tyrion one hell of a side-eye. Maybe she wants to rub his head for good luck like that brothel-bouncer?

Finally, Tyrion drug Varys into a brothel, where he found out that he lacked the will to perform. So, he went and took a long piss off a tall ledge. And that’s where Ser Friend-Zone ruined it all. “I’m taking you to the Queen.”

That’s it for this week folks, check back next Wednesday, as the Game of Thrones Episode 4 GIF recap will be ready for your viewing pleasure.

• Published on 04/29/2015 at 3:15 PM CDT
• Last updated on 10/21/2016 at 1:05 PM CDT