Game of Thrones: Episode 504, “Sons of the Harpy,” GIF Recap

It’s that time of week once again, my sweet summer children, for your Game of Thrones GIF Recap. What do you know of fear? Fear is for the people of King’s Landing as they get REKT by the Faith Militant, my little lords and ladies, when the snows fall a hundred feet deep and Cersei offers the High Sparrow a glass of wine, only to have him judge her like your father does at holiday dinners because you haven’t done enough with your life. Fear is for the long night, when the sun hides it’s face for years at a time, and Tyrion gets bitch slapped by Ser Friendzone, while the direwolves grow gaunt and hungry because Stannis is getting hugs, and the White Walkers move through the woods as Ser Barristan dies because he couldn’t be bothered to wear armor on his merry walk through Meereen.

That’s right, just like Old Nan’s scary tale to Bran, “Sons of the Harpy” made us all want to wet our small clothes as one of the greatest knights to every walk the face of Westeros died trying to save his friend Grey Worm. But let’s not get stuck on THAT TOPIC today…nope, mustn’t discuss his death, I mustn’t. Anyhoo, let’s get started shall we?

So, we got our first look at Dorne in the opening credits, and it did not disappoint!

Ser Friendzone bitch-slapped Tyrion.

Meanwhile, Jaime is floating on a sea of sapphires that flow from his heart and the bounteous love he holds there for Brienne.

Some stuff happened, Bronn and Jaime started their buddy sitcom, and then Jaime blocked a sword with his hand.

Back in King’s Landing, the High Sparrow declined a glass of wine from Cersei, and silently prepared for one hell of an intervention.

Outside the Red Keep, the Faith Militant went on a spree of brutality and terror.

Then, Lancel went full Charles Mansion on us and got a new forehead tattoo.

Once that was completed, the only thing left to do was arrest an armored and armed Ser Loras Tyrell who was surrounded by his fellow knights…MAKES SENSE. Lancel has the power of the seven pointed star carved into his flesh, why else would Loras wilt beneath his terrible gaze?

Under threat of having sexy-time being withheld, Tommen bravely charged the steps of the Great Sept of Baelor. It did not go well for him.

During the meeting of the Small Council, Cersei convinced the leader of the Lollipop Guild Mace Tyrell to take a diplomatic trip to Braavos, and to take along the always-skeevy Ser Meryn Trant for protection. What could go wrong?

At the Wall, Jon signed some papers…

…while Stannis received what appeared to be the one and only hug he’s ever received in his entire life.

In Meereen, the Sons of the Harpy strike like the masked cowards they are, and in the process a great knight fell. RIP SER COLONEL SANDERS THE BOLD.

That’s it for this week, my sweet summer children. Sleep well, for I have no more tears to shed for Ser Barristan.

• Published on 05/07/2015 at 3:30 PM CDT
• Last updated on 10/21/2016 at 1:05 PM CDT