Unsullied Recap—Game of Thrones, Episode 505—Kill the Boy

Spoiler note: “A girl says nothing. A girl keeps her mouth closed. No one hears.” -Girls, boys, and others alike, Jaqen H’ghar has spoken, so please remember: This recap is primarily for non-book readers (book fans can discuss the show here). If you’re a book reader, please avoid posting any spoilers here so as not to ruin the fun for those who don’t know what’s coming next. Thank you!

This week begins with two of my least favorite things: 1. A Missandei/Grey Worm moment (which I just do not care about), and 2. The lifeless body of Papa Bear, rest his soul, which was just too good for this world.

Of course, Papa Bear’s death is just the push Daenerys needed to put that old spring back in her step. She rounds up the leaders of the Meereenese families and marches them down to the catacombs where Viserion and Rhaegal continue to lurk, and then Daenerys treats us to one of her deliciously creepy speeches about the bond between a mother and her children. Oh, how I’ve missed those… Daenerys’ devotion to her dragons borders on obsession, and it’s a vital indication that no matter how good her heart is, she’s still a Targaryen and daughter of the Mad King. So she’s got her issues. Feeding one of the former masters to her babies must be a therapeutic thing.

Missandei and Grey Worm make out to some vaguely Titanic-y music. It’s ridiculous. On that note, it seems to me that the Unsullied are becoming more human under Daenerys’ rule. Consider Grey Worm’s romance, and their rather unimpressive fighting during last week’s episode; I don’t know about you, but I was surprised that soldiers of the Unsullied’s caliber fell to some psuedo-vigilantes. I’m not saying that I don’t want the Unsullied to have feelings, but wasn’t their deadened state of mind what made them successful warriors? Perhaps the whole thing is just an oversight, but all the same I have to wonder if the Unsullied are becoming weaker fighters, and what that could mean for Daenerys’ continued quest for power.

For now, though, Daenerys is really getting back into gear. After some council from Missandei, Daenerys agrees to reopen the fighting pits to free men, and then basically just tells Hizdahr zo Loraq that they’re getting married now. Way to establish peace between you and your subjects, Dany.

At the Wall, another Targaryen is also facing trials. While Sam reports on the goings-on across the Narrow Sea, Maester Aemon speculates about Daenerys’s well-being, pointing out that “a Targaryen alone in the world is a terrible thing.” While we’ve known about Maester Aemon’s lineage for years, I’ve never really considered the fact that he and Daenerys are, in fact, family. And although they’ve never interacted within the story, it’s likely that Aemon understands Daenerys better than any of her trusted advisers. It’s really compelling to have him comment on that, especially when we consider how hugely familial bonds play into Game of Thrones. Is this going somewhere? Probably not—at least, I don’t expect any Targaryen reunions in the near future, but it’s still worthwhile to ponder.

In another room at Castle Black, Jon and Tormund reach an agreement: Tormund will bring the remaining wildlings to the Wall and the Night’s Watch will let them pass freely through the gates, and Jon will see to it that they’re settled safely on the right side of the Wall when winter comes and the White Walkers cut loose. But, naturally, there’s a catch, and that’s that Jon accompanies Tormund to tell the wildlings the news himself as a means of establishing trust. After all, it’s easier to trust your enemy when he’s there in front of you, so you’ve got the option of slashing his throat if need be.

The rest of the Night’s Watch is none too happy with their Lord Commander’s decision. It’s another big to-do that starts with, “The Wildings killed our brothers!” and ends with, “We killed theirs, too!” The whole Crows vs. wildings debacle is proof that an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. Or, in this case, it makes it impossible to come to a unanimous decision regarding an age-old feud and the looming threat of zombies.

White Walkers and wildings aren’t everyone’s top-priority, though. Down the winding road from the Wall to Winterfell, Pod once again tries to dissuade Brienne from the dangerous task of pursuing Sansa, but instead Brienne starts rallying the troops. She enlists the help of an old man at the inn, asking him to show his Stark colors and get a message to Sansa. A Stark is once again at Winterfell, and it’s time for the Northerners to get behind her.

Not everyone needs Brienne’s prodding. That rad old “The North remembers” broad is back, and this time it’s not only in my dreams. She tells Sansa more awesome stuff, including a distress signal: Light a candle in the highest window of the broken tower, and the North will rise to the occasion. Okay, more likely it’ll be Brienne charging, but you know the North is sure to follow suit.

With that in mind, the Boltons should probably be a bit more cautious. But, alas, Ramsay’s just getting naked with Myranda and not worrying about it. Myranda voices her jealousy and Ramsay taunts her because, let’s face it, obviously he knows Sansa’s totally bangin’, and Myranda’s just going to have to deal with that. I totally called it, by the way—Ramsay’s “You remember what happens to people who bore me” from the Episode 5 trailer is directed at Myranda, whose response is to get kinky with him to assure him that, no, she’ll continue to be kind of a freak to maintain his affection. Good luck with that one, girl.

Later, Myranda plays nice with Sansa, a highly suspect interaction if ever I saw one. I swear, I thought when she was checking out the stitching on Sansa’s dress, she was going to just snap her wrist. But no, Myranda’s brand of torture is more psychological. She lures Sansa to the kennels, where my queen ventures in alone to the tune of dozens of barking dogs and my heart palpitations, until she reaches the end of the corridor, where she finds Theon.

Let me pause the recapping to say, once again, what a masterful actress Sophie Turner is. That stone cold look on her face and the way she struts back down through the kennels is the most fabulously murderous thing I have ever seen. It’s about to go DOWN.

Not right now, though, as great things take time. In the interim, Ramsay shows his true psychopathic colors at dinner, as he subtly mocks Sansa’s dead family, makes Theon apologize for killing Bran and Rickon (who, as far as the characters are concerned, are actually dead, although we the viewers know better), and then decrees that Theon will give Sansa away at the wedding. Roose, clearly annoyed with his son’s BS, announces that Walda is pregnant, likely with a boy, and Sansa’s satisfied smirk at Ramsay’s obvious distress has given me a new zest for life.

Afterwards, Roose and Ramsay have a charming heart-to-heart, in which we learn that Ramsay’s mother was raped by Roose beneath the tree from which her dead husband was hanged. I guess we know where Ramsay gets his quirky personality. The Bolton men continue on in this disturbing vein that makes you pray to god for their comeuppance. They proclaim that Stannis will fall at their swords, because the North is theirs and no one can take that from them.

Somewhere in the depths of Winterfell, that rad old broad cackles derisively.

Stannis and his men do, incidentally, begin their march on Winterfell this week. Jon is heading to Hardhome to fetch the wildlings, so there’s little hope of a Snow/Stark reunion, and we also have the darling Shireen to worry about. Stannis refuses to leave her behind at the Wall because the men may be of the Night’s Watch, but they’re still murderers and rapists. As though the Boltons & Co. will prove to be any better.

Far from the wars of Westeros, but nevertheless close to my heart, Tyrion and Jorah are still making their way to Meereen, and Tyrion’s still jonesin’ for some wine, but the pair’s dynamic seems to be changing. Jorah’s talking a bit more, at least, and he and Tyrion even exchange some weird poetry while they sail through the wreckage of Valyria. Which, by the way, provides some hauntingly beautiful scenery.

Not that we get much of a chance to enjoy it, or even be as awe-filled as Tyrion is at the sight of Drogon, because suddenly the S.S. Handsome is bombarded by Stone Men. I guess I should have seen something like this coming, considering all the hullaballoo the show’s been making about greyscale lately, but come on! First it’s White Walkers, then wights, and now this?

Tyrion nearly drowns, and in fact the screen blacks out long enough for me to suspect that the credits are about to roll, but no—it’s Ser Jorah to the rescue. The pair end up on the shores of some beach, a long walk ahead of them but otherwise virtually unscathed. I mean, I thought they were unscathed for about five seconds, and then Jorah checks out his wrist and wouldn’t you know it, he’s infected. Get touched by a Stone Man, and the disease is upon you—that’s like the most infectious thing I’ve ever heard of.

Okay, so let me get this straight: Last week I had to watch Papa Bear die, and this week Handsomest Man On the Planet Ser Jorah is infected with a deadly disease? Okay, D & D, I don’t know what kinda game you’re playing here, but I have thrown my cards on the table. I give up. If this is what you’re doing to my babies, I guess I can only cross my fingers that Sansa makes it out of this alive.

What did my fellow Unsullieds think? Is greyscale Ser Jorah’s curtain call? Will Daario be super jelly of Daenerys’ new husband, or can he learn how to share? When will Sansa light her candle? What’s going to go down during Stannis’s siege? And between White Walkers and wights, Stone Men and psychopaths, how many ways are there to die in Westeros?

Remember — speculation is encouraged, spoilers aren’t! Please refrain from posting book spoilers here! Feel free to discuss the episode in the comments or Tweet me @kitmaj_, but don’t ruin any surprises for the viewers who haven’t read the books. Thanks, and see you next week!

• Published on 05/11/2015 at 12:43 AM CDT
• Last updated on 10/21/2016 at 1:04 PM CDT