The WiC Scale: Winners and Losers for “The Dance of Dragons”

Welcome back to the WiC Scale. This is our penultimate installment for Season 5. With only one more episode to go, it’s important we make sure that everyone is present and accounted for after last week’s “The Dance of Dragons.” (Not to be confused with A Dance With Dragons. What a difference in positions an indefinite article and a proposition will make in the fortunes of our characters!) When the dance ended, where did everyone, excluding the absent King’s Landing denizens, stand?

Up

• Melisandre: The Red Witch Gets What the Red Witch Wants
• Drogon: “MY GODS, THAT’S DROGON’S MUSIC!” -Jim Ross, calling the action in Daznak’s Pit.
• Jaime, Bronn, and the Martells: Things worked out well in Dorne for pretty much everybody. Doran made peace with both the Lannisters and Ellaria, Trystane got an all-expenses paid trip to King’s Landing, and Jaime gets to take his daughter-niece back to her mother. Yes, Bronn got clocked in the face, but at least he’s leaving Dorne alive. Things could have been much worse.
• Dany: Up, up and away on my beautiful dragooon…
• Tycho Nestoris: he might be saddled with a fool from Westeros, but he’s rocking the ruff and making it seem dignified.
• The Thin Man: Lives another day, even if he didn’t get to eat any oysters.
• Davos: Didn’t have to see Shireen get burned, got to go back to Castle Black and get warm. Win/win.

Middling

• Arya: She has her quarry in her sights, but don’t believe for a moment that Jaqen H’ghar bought all that “he wasn’t hungry” nonsense.
• Ellaria and the Sand Snakes: Their rebellion failed, but all seems to have been forgiven and Doran has allowed them to keep their lives. Plus, their rebellion was sort of dead on arrival in the first place, so perhaps they can use the experience to improve on their next plan.
• Jorah: Still has greyscale, and got boo’d when he won his fight, but Dany took him back.
• Tyrion: Philosophically correct in this week’s deep thought scene, but left behind when the one-way flight on Air Targaryen took off.
• Darrio: Bad ass in the ring, but unfortunately bet on the wrong man in front of Hizdahr.
• Mace Tyrell: On the plus side, he has no idea his children are in chains, and is cheery enough to sing opera in the streets. On the minus side, “Maegor III” was never a Targaryen king.
• Wildling Survivors: The good news is they made it to Castle Black. The bad news is they made it to Castle Black.

Down

• Selyse: Even Worst Mother of The Year on TV Betty Draper got to say “Goodbye” and “I love you” to her daughter before it was too late. Poor Selyse.
• Stannis: Burnt his only daughter and the remains of his heart to go fight a battle that isn’t even important in the grand scheme of this war. If he doesn’t kill Ramsay Bolton, this will have been a total waste.
• Jon: Barely saved enough wildlings to have justified the trip to Hardhome, and got a miserable homecoming reception from all but Sam.
• Meryn Trant: Just when you thought he couldn’t get any worse, it turns out he’s a pedophile. Wonder if he ever looks in the mirror and thinks, “Too old?”

Out

• Hizdahr de Loraq: He was De Loraq, he spoke for Harpies. And now he’s dead.
• Shireen: The heartbreaker of the season, and a book spoiler to boot. Thanks Benioff and Weiss!

• Published on 06/11/2015 at 11:00 AM CDT
• Last updated on 06/11/2015 at 11:32 AM CDT