Unsullied Recap—Game of Thrones, Episode 510—Mother’s Mercy

Spoiler note: “A girl says nothing. A girl keeps her mouth closed. No one hears.” -Girls, boys, and others alike, Jaqen H’ghar has spoken, so please remember: This recap is primarily for non-book readers (book fans can discuss the show here). If you’re a book reader, please avoid posting any spoilers here so as not to ruin the fun for those who don’t know what’s coming next. Thank you!

The snow is melting, along with all of Stannis’ hopes and dreams.

While the way to Winterfell has become clear, Shireen’s death has still come at a price: Half of Stannis’ army has deserted him, Selyse has hung herself from a tree (a truly haunting shot), and Melisandre has peaced out about five seconds after we learn all of this. As my dear friend Sarah says, Melisandre ditches Stannis at the most crucial moment, hightailing it out of there like her haunted vagina’s on fire, and that poor schmoe is left to fend for himself. Apparently not wanting to let his child murder go to waste, Stannis declares that they’ll march onward, anyway, and so they do. Just as Stannis announces that his siege will begin at sunrise, the Bolton army rides out to meet them, to which I say…Well, no shit. Stannis and his men were marching across a flat, barren land; they were gonna get spotted. Did he really think the Bolton army would wait for him, or was he just that unhinged by his series of unfortunate events? Probably the latter.

Back at Winterfell, Sansa has used the foreshadowed corkscrew to free herself from her confinement. So it’s a no-go on my wish for a little Ramsay eye-gouging but, hello, medieval bobby pin! She heads to the broken tower with her candle, and I’m rooting for Pod and Brienne to see the signal and roll with it, but once again Stannis ruins something. Pod spots the army’s march, and Brienne, still driven by her desire to avenge Renly’s death, walks away from her vigil two seconds before Sansa’s lit candle appears in the window. That is some Romeo & Juliet-level bad timing, and my first indignant groan of the night is achieved.

Brienne makes it just in time to find Stannis alone, injured, and tired of all the schtick he’s been pulling. She introduces herself and her intentions, Stannis tells her to get on with it, and Brienne raises her sword with a mighty cry—I ask myself if this is really the uneventful way in which Stannis bites it, and—the scene changes. A strike without a hit? Well, if you ask me, Stannis will live to see another day.

Having lit her candle but without any way of knowing whether or not help is on the way, Sansa makes a mad dash back to her chambers to avoid being caught and consequently punished by Ramsay. She’s stopped in her tracks by Myranda and Theon, the former of whom threatens and taunts Sansa with a bow and arrow. Sansa, queen that she is, holds her head high and dares Myranda to do her worst. Just as that perky little psychopath is getting ready to rumble, Theon snaps out of Reek mode long enough to push her off the midair walkway, and Myranda hits the ground with the most satisfying splat I’ve ever heard. While I’m still waiting on Sansa’s homicidal instincts to kick in, there’s no way she would have been able to stop Myranda, not staring down the end of a bow and arrow like that. But Theon had the right angle, and he needed a little repentance; Myranda’s death earns him that.

With Ramsay’s dead girlfriend under their belts and the gate opening to grant the Bolton soldiers reentrance into Winterfell, Theon and Sansa make a run for it. Without any way out, the pair clasp hands and exchange a platonic “You jump, I jump, Jack” look, and leap from the battlements—likely not to their deaths since there’s a big pile of snow waiting for them. So even though we don’t see them again for the remainder of the episode, I’m not too fussed about it. After everything these two have been through, they can survive a little romp in the snow.

In the significantly less frigid Braavos, Meryn Trant is beating on three young girls at the brothel, (which I don’t think is strictly necessary, but at this point I’m just trying to deal with it). He gets his when the third girl doesn’t respond to his beatings because, big reveal, it turns out Arya’s got mad game with face-changing and only reveals herself right before she stabs out Trant’s eyes. I’m not one for eye-related horror (*shudders*) but, my god, does Trant deserve it. My girl Arya continues to viciously plunge her knife into him, all the while reminding him of his crime against our dearly departed Syrio Forel, revealing her identity, and stripping him of his. And to put the cherry atop this bloody sundae, she slits his throat.

It’s a sweet, sweet, sweet victory, yeah…

That is, until Jaqen and busted Kimmy Gibbler rain on her parade. Since Arya took Trant’s life (a life that wasn’t hers to take, although I beg to differ), she must pay the price, which is apparently to be poisoned. But, plot twist! Jaqen drinks the poison instead. But, plot twist! The drinker of Kool-Aid wasn’t Jaqen at all—it was no one, as Arya discovers while the real Jaqen looks on and she rips face after face off the newly deceased no one. It’s kind of like one of those cartoon gags where they take off costume after costume, and it turns out they’re actually a horse or something. Anyway, Arya lands on her own face and then goes blind. Not really sure how that’ll teach her not to kill bloodthirsty pedophiles, but it looks like she’ll be hanging around the House of Black and White for awhile.

In Dorne, Jaime and his crew are heading back to King’s Landing. Ellaria kisses Myrcella square on the mouth in farewell—right in front of Myrcella’s betrothed, too, because Ellaria’s ballsy like that. On board the ship, Jaime kicks off a little speech about the power of love in an attempt to cushion the blow he’s going to deal Myrcella—that he’s her dad-uncle. Turns out Myrcella already knows, because who doesn’t, but she’s not a hater like most; in fact, she’s happy that Jaime’s her father, for which I can’t blame her considering how terrible Robert was. They share a touching hug of acceptance right until Myrcella’s nose starts to bleed and she passes out. Lo and behold, Ellaria pulled a River Song and kissed Myrcella with poison lipstick. I guess last week’s pledge of surrender really was all for show, which is great plot-wise, but poor Myrcella. That recast didn’t last long.

We get a little reprieve from all the death as we travel to Meereen, where there’s smack talk on all sides—Daario and Jorah decide to tag-team a Rescue Daenerys mission, which leaves Tyrion, Missandei, and Grey Worm to take control of Meereen in the interim. Because that’s totally gonna work out, no problem. The city’s torn in two, their queen is MIA, and now the Meereenese will be answering to a kinslaying dwarf they don’t know, an injured Unsullied, and a former slave girl. What a mess…Master of the grapevine that he is, Varys spontaneously and conveniently shows up, which I’m sure will help but, yowza, good luck on this one, kids.

Alone on some hill with her temperamental pet, Daenerys commands Drogon to take her back to Meereen, but he decides to take a nap instead. At a loss, Daenerys goes for a walk and is almost immediately surrounded by a horde of Dothraki, who proceed to trap her in their midst as they shout and ride around in circles. She ditches Hizdahr’s wedding ring, but I don’t see how that will make a difference.

Back in Westeros, Cersei finally does as that big smug septa commands, and confesses her affair with Lancel. Although pressed by the High Sparrow, she continues to deny that her children are Jaime’s, once again claiming that to be a lie spread by Stannis to discredit them and assume the throne himself. The High Sparrow is fooled and subsequently pleased, and he grants Cersei her wish to return to the Red Keep to see Tommen, but her journey there must be one of atonement. And thus her hair is sheared off, and she walks naked through the kingdom to the tune of that smug septa’s bell and chants of “Shame,” all the while besieged by shouts, taunts, spit, and food, and yet she holds her head high. She only allows herself to break once she is safely within the walls of the Red Keep, where Maester Frankenstein greets her with the newest member of the Kingsguard, who is very clearly the reanimated Mountain. A glimmer of hope returns to Cersei, and I’m almost glad of it.

I’ve said it before and I will keep saying it—I am not satisfied with Cersei’s punishment. Not because I don’t think it’s sufficient, but because it’s the Faith Militant bestowing it upon her. As far as the show is concerned, the Faith Militant are less people and more faceless religious zealots who are self-righteous, violent, and intolerant. Their redeeming qualities are nonexistent, and they seem to find pleasure in the vile treatment they inflict upon those they claim to be sinners. Why should I be satisfied that Cersei is punished by a group that I hate more than I could hate her? Cersei has committed some truly heinous acts, much like the vast populace of this series, but unlike some of them—the Faith Militant, Ramsay, and most recently Stannis, to name a few—she is not wholly devoid of the goodness we crave in our favorite characters. Cersei is devoted to her children, she acts like a queen even when everything is stripped of her, and in these ways I can at least respect her, which is more than I can say for the Westerosi Baptist Church.

Deep breaths.

At the Wall, Jon updates Sam on the shitstorm that was Hardhome. They bemoan their loss of dragonglass, the realm’s lack of Valyrian steel, and their dwindling resources when Sam suggests the smallest of solutions, but a silver lining nonetheless: He requests leave to take Gilly and the baby and head for Oldtown so he can become a Maester, where he can study history and healing, which will ultimately make him more useful than he could be at Castle Black right now. Jon reluctantly acquiesces, high-fives Sam for getting laid, and then he’s left alone at the cold hard Wall to deal with everyone who hates him. Poor Jon; he’s one of the series’ truly genuine—if sometimes foolish—characters, and all he gets is flak.

Although flak ends up being the least of Jon’s worries. After bickering with Davos about how many men the Watch can spare, Melisandre reappears, looking forlorn because she found out too late that Stannis is not, in fact, the Mannis. Shireen’s death and Stannis’ downfall are revealed in Melisandre’s crestfallen face, and still we haven’t reached the pinnacle of Jon’s troubles. Later, Olly busts into Jon’s quarters because Olly’s a little shit with no manners, and he spits out some garbage about a wildling who’s claiming that Jon’s Uncle Benjen is still alive. Strengthened by the possibility, Jon follows Olly outside to talk to the wildling, only to find that a group of Night’s Watchmen are waiting around a board painted with the word TRAITOR. Dun dun duuuuun. Jon realizes too late that mutiny’s happening: Alliser Thorne and his backup band take turns stabbing Jon “for the Watch,” and then stink-eye Olly delivers the final blow. They leave Jon to bleed out in the snow, and the screen cuts to black.

Cliffhanger upon cliffhanger upon cliffhanger. No wonder this episode’s called “Mother’s Mercy”—it’s precisely what we’ll all be begging for until Season 6 rolls around.

Place your bets, Unsullied. Is anyone—namely Sansa, Theon, Stannis, Myrcella, and Jon—really dead? (My money’s on a pretty definitive “no”, considering Sansa and Theon land in that impossibly large pile of snow, Jon’s got Melisandre and her magic powers lurking about, and anyway we don’t see any of them actually die.) What will Doran’s next move be when he undoubtedly finds out about Ellaria’s poison lipstick? And despite my aforementioned suspicions, since Myrcella has no foreseeable way to survive, will she soon be donning her golden shroud? Will Daario and Jorah find Daenerys, and in what condition? Does anyone think the Island of Misfit Toys in Meereen have a shot at restoring and keeping the peace? How does Cersei’s punishment sit with you, and what will come of it now that the Mountain’s back in the game? And how will you tide yourselves over until we get some answers?

Remember—speculation is encouraged, spoilers aren’t! Please refrain from posting book spoilers here! Feel free to discuss the episode in the comments or Tweet me @kitmaj_, but don’t ruin any surprises for the viewers who haven’t read the books. Thanks, and see you next season!

• Published on 06/15/2015 at 12:53 AM CDT
• Last updated on 06/15/2015 at 3:40 AM CDT