Valar Morghulis: Who’s most likely to die in Game of Thrones Season 7?

Valar morghulis: All men (and women) must die. But when?

Wow. Where do we even start? With nine characters wiped off the map in one episode, “The Winds of Winter” had almost twice as many deaths as the previous week’s episode, “Battle of the Bastards”…and that had a battle! Not even “The Rains of Castamere killed off as many characters in one episode; think about that one for a minute.

Before we head into the offseason, we wanted to take one last look at whom we think might perish in Game of Thrones Season 7, and of course take a look at the ones we got right from last week! (Because it was hard to be wrong this episode.)

1. Kevan Lannister: 90%. We called for Ser Kevan’s death for most of the season, and although we didn’t correctly guess the manner of his demise, Cersei was still behind it. Next time someone asks you to be Hand of the King, kindly decline. Those guys never last.

2. Pycelle: 80%. Pycelle getting mutilated by those creepy kids was pretty brutal, but at least we got that excellent dialogue A Dance With Dragons. Maybe you should have retired, old man.

3. Lancel Lannister: 75%. Lancel was another Lannister we never saw surviving the season, and we were quite correct. Cersei even seemed to arrange an extra-special death for him, or maybe he followed that little bird by chance. In any case, nice knowing you, buddy.

4. The High Sparrow: 75%. When we said we thought the High Sparrow “has been playing with fire for the past two seasons, and at some point, he’s bound to get burned,” we had no idea how literally correct we would be. The High Sparrow died in the most epic way possible, and even had enough time to realize what a colossal mistake he had made before being incinerated.

5. Loras Tyrell: 50%. For a few minutes during Sunday’s finale, it looked as if Loras might finally be free of the Faith, but sadly it was not to be. We hope you enjoy playing Iron Fist, Finn Jones!

6. Walder Frey: 50%. Of all the deaths on this list, Walder Frey is easily the most celebrated. Seriously, not even Jaime Lannister liked this guy. We took extra satisfaction in Arya being the party responsible.

7. Tommen Baratheon: 50%. Just like with the High Sparrow, we nailed this one, although we aren’t quite as happy about it. We correctly predicted the pressure of being king, coupled with some sort of tragedy, would spell the end of the last Baratheon. Tommen’s swan dive out the window still caught us by surprise, as did Cersei’s involvement in her last child’s death.

8. Margaery Tyrell: 50%. We mentioned that everyone in King’s Landing could be dead by the end of the episode, and Margaery sadly fell into that category. She almost had it figured it out, but in this case she was one step behind the ruthless and cunning Cersei Lannister, and now she’s out of the game permanently.

9. Mace Tyrell: 50%. Mace was always such a non-entity that its hard to feel anything about his death. Oh well?

Honorable Mention: Lothar Frey and Black Walder Rivers being baked into Arya’s pie. What a way to go.

And without further delay, we present to you our picks for Season 7.

****Percentages refer to how likely the character is to die, not survive.****

1-10. Jory-Cassel-picking-fight-with-Jaime-Lannister surprised

You had, like, three scenes in Season 1. Why did you pick a fight with the Kingslayer? These are the characters we think most likely to die in Season 7. We hope they all have their affairs in order. 

1. Septa Unella: 100%

Was there anyone less likely to survive the immolation of the Sept of Baelor than Septa Unella? We were quite certain Unella would go up in flames like the rest of the Faith, but it turns out Cersei has other plans for her former tormentor. And while we certainly believe that Ser Gregor will take his time with Unella, we can’t believe that the Septa will survive the entirety of Season 7.

2. Dolorous Edd: 100%

Don’t confuse our rankings as some sort of distaste for the character, because we quite like the latest Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch, but it is also very likely that Edd is the last Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch. The White Walkers are heading south, and Edd is standing directly in their path.

We all thought the Wall would fall in Season 6, but now it seems almost certain that it will come crashing down in Season 7. And it’s likely to come crashing down on Edd’s head. Look, we can rhyme.

3.  Benjen Stark: 80%

We saw Benjen with Bran and Meera in the Season 6 finale, riding off with the team’s only horse and vowing to continue to take the fight to the White Walkers, but even Benjen seemed to acknowledge that it might be a suicide mission.  Our best guess is that Benjen will attempt to delay the White Walkers as long as possible before finally succumbing to the might of the undead army. It was good to see you again, Benjen!

4. Melisandre: 75%

We believe that the Red Woman has some part to play in the great war to come, but we aren’t quite sure what that is at the moment. Whatever it might be, it’s likely to be a dangerous one for the elderly priestess.

It might appear that Melisandre rode to safety in the finale, but we don’t see the producers letting her off the hook so easily. The Red Woman has to pay for her crimes, and pay for them she shall.

5. Theon Greyjoy: 50%

The Grejoy siblings might appear to be safely sailing home in the middle of that massive armada, but remember that Uncle Euron is likely headed straight for them, and with a thousand ships, no less. Our best guess is that, sometime before Daenerys’ fleet lands on the shores of Westeros, they are intercepted by Euron and a grand naval battle shall ensue.

Theon likely still harbors some guilt over his past actions, and we could easily see him sacrificing himself to save Yara during said battle.

6. Yara Greyjoy: 50% 

Yara Greyjoy beat the odds and survived the hostile takeover of the Iron Islands by her crazy uncle Euron, but our guess is that it won’t be all smooth sailing on the way back to Westeros. Uncle Euron is likely not very happy with his niece and nephew, and if he has managed to build anything close to those thousand ships he asked for, it will be bad news for Dany’s armada.

While we are guessing it will be Theon that dies in the battle, it could just as easily be Yara who never makes it back to Westeros.

7. Euron Greyjoy: 50%

If our prediction about a grand naval battle between Daenerys and Euron’s fleets proves to be correct, it isn’t likely that producers would kill Daenerys in said battle. Dany dying on the way to Westeros would cause a collective riot the likes of which the world has never seen. So if Dany isn’t dying, it’s gonna be crazy Uncle Euron and his giant manhood, but not before taking out one or both of his niece and nephew.

8. Littlefinger: 50%

This is our out-of-left-field pick for Season 7, especially considering that Littlefinger always manages to squirm his way out of every tight spot he’s ever found himself in. Call us crazy, but we see one of Littlefinger’s schemes finally backfiring on him, namely his attempt to drive a wedge between the Stark siblings in Winterfell.

We have also assumed for a long time that Sansa would be the one to eliminate Littlefinger, and that looks more likely than ever now.

9. Cersei Lannister: 50%

We don’t think it’s a stretch to say that Cersei is going to run things right into the ground now that she is the head honcho in King’s Landing. Even if there wasn’t an armada and three dragons heading her way, and even if she hadn’t made enemies out of the entire realm, Cersei would still somehow manage to ruin things.

Our best guess? Jaime is the one who finally stops his sister, and before she can commit any more atrocities like the destruction of the Sept of Baelor.

10. Qyburn: 50%

Qyburn’s survival is largely tied to Cersei’s, and if the new queen of the realm perishes in Season 7, we believe the former Maester will go down with her. Qyburn has become Cersei’s right hand, even more so than Jaime, and doesn’t seem to have any issue carrying out Cersei’s orders, no matter how crazy they may be.

Perhaps Jaime eliminates Qyburn before taking out Cersei, in much the same way Jaime once killed the Mad King Aerys’ pyromancer before killing the king himself.