Razor’s Rant: Olly is not Edd and Swords are not Blocks

Warning: This is an article written from the perspective of a book reader. Unsullied, considered yourself appropriately warned.

Game of Thrones Season 5, Episode 3, was a bit of a game changer for hard-core book readers like myself. Not only did Sansa return to Winterfell, but she’s being closely followed by Brienne and Pod. Clearly, the showrunners are setting events in motion by placing certain characters in close proximity to one another. While Brienne is tracking Sansa in the books, she never comes close to finding her…at least not yet. This is what happens when characters are excluded and story-arcs are changed or completely ignored (ahem…Lady Stoneheart). Is it a bad thing that, in the show, Brienne not only knows where Sansa is but has been closely following her? No, because Gwendoline Christie is a force to be reckoned with and her skill as an actress can carry an entire episode. At least with Sansa’s divergent story, we got someone saying “The North remembers.”

On the topic of iconic lines, I think it devalues these stories when well-known lines from the books (e.g. Tyrion’s “Where do whores go?”) are cut. Tyrion should be drunkenly stumbling his way to Meereen, asking that question to everyone he crosses. I know, I know, many of you think that line is unimportant and therefore unnecessary to Tyrion’s story…and if you think that, you’re wrong. Tyrion is a product of his own life experiences, and finding out that his father forced his brother Jaime to lie about Tysha, his first love and wife, being a whore was an important life experience for him.

Tyrion is also infamous for his debauchery. So, when he passed up a chance to get laid with the prostitute in Volantis, I called bullshit. If there is one thing that the Imp can be counted on for, it’s his randy attitude—his never-ending need to have sex with any woman, anywhere, anytime. The Tyrion I know from the books would never turn down the chance to have sex, especially after spending days on end trapped in a rolling box with Varys.

That entire scene felt like fan-service to me; a ploy to make us feel bad for Tyrion. Peter Dinklage doesn’t need to endear himself to Game of Thrones fans, he doesn’t need to show his vulnerability for us to connect with his character. In my opinion, it cheapens one of the deepest and most complex characters in the entire series.

Now that I’ve released my anger over what seemed to be Tyrion Lannister battling erectile dysfunction, let’s talk about another iconic phrase that was nixed, for no good reason. In the books, when Lord Commander Jon Snow orders Janos Slynt to be taken outside, he eventually tells his steward Eddison Tollett, “Edd, fetch me a block.” Much like Tyrion’s “Where do whores go?” that line was left out. Instead, for reasons beyond my comprehension, Jon tells his steward Olly (the creepy little kid who is totally going to turn on him), “Olly, bring me my sword.”

My problem with this is that there is absolutely zero reason for changing this line, a line that a large number of A Song of Ice and Fire fans count as one of the best in the series. I understand that sometimes literature does not transfer well onto the big or little screen, but leaving out “Edd, fetch me a block” is tantamount to leaving out “You know nothing, Jon Snow.” Can you imagine Ygritte’s famous lines being given to Tormund? Or worse, altered in some weird way? “Your lack of knowledge is frustrating to me, Jon Snow.” See? It simply does not carry the same weight.

I fully realize that these may be minor changes to most of you. In fact, I can openly accept that my level of book purism may border on fanatical. But George R.R. Martin created these characters and phrases for a reason. To leave them out of the show is to basically take away what makes these wonderful characters so interesting, fun, relatable, and rich.

Hi, my name is Razor, and I’m a book purist. 

• Published on 05/01/2015 at 3:00 PM CDT
• Last updated on 05/01/2015 at 3:00 PM CDT