Unsullied Recap — Game of Thrones, Episode 506 — Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken

Spoiler note: “A girl says nothing. A girl keeps her mouth closed. No one hears.” — Girls, boys, and others alike, Jaqen H’ghar has spoken, so please remember: This recap is primarily for non-book readers (book fans can discuss the show here). If you’re a book reader, please avoid posting any spoilers here so as not to ruin the fun for those who don’t know what’s coming next. Thank you!

We’re back in the House of Black and White, which we haven’t seen much yet this season, a disappointment since the initial shots of Braavos were gorgeous and I’m eager to see Arya rockin’ her new threads. But she’s still stuck in her old wardrobe and washing another corpse while busted Kimmy Gibbler bosses her around and plays mind games. I knew I couldn’t trust you, Kimmy.

Arya and Jaqen play the game of faces, in which Arya gets hit with a switch every time she tells a lie about her origins. It’s more unsettling than I expected out of Jaqen. I mean, I know he’s an assassin and we’ve seen him kill people before, but beating on a young woman like that is jarring; I jumped a little with every hit.

Later, while Arya’s officially fed up with everybody’s shit, a man brings his sick daughter to the House, where he seeks help to end her suffering. He approaches Arya, who feeds the girl some cock-and-bull story about how she used to be just like her—sick, dying, but she gave her life to the Many-Faced God and now it’s all cool and copacetic. She encourages the girl to drink the water from the pool we saw back in Episode 3 and, surprise of surprises, the girl ends up dead.

Jaqen, apparently pleased by this turn of events, leads Arya through another mysterious door, down some steps, and into a cavernous room full of faces. To state the obvious, it’s horrifying, but apparently also the next step in Arya’s process to become no one—first she has to become someone else. So I guess that means she’s going to wear someone else’s face now. This place isn’t so much the House of Black and White as it is Hannibal Lecter’s Playhouse.

Somewhere else in Essos, Jorah and Tyrion are still walking it out to Meereen. During their obligatory storytime, Tyrion tells Jorah all about how he ended up in Pentos, and reveals that Jorah’s father is just as dead as his own. We don’t often get a glimpse of Jorah outside of his affection for Daenerys, so it was pretty eye-opening to watch him deal with the news that his estranged father bit the dust. But, being the strong and silent type, Jorah declines to talk about his feelings, and instead he and Tyrion wind up discussing Daenerys’ claim to the throne until they run into slavers. Womp womp.

The band of slavers ultimately spare Jorah’s life so they can sell him off to the fighting pits, and Tyrion’s until they find a “cock merchant” who will buy a dwarf’s cock. Because as we all know, a dwarf’s cock is the best of good luck. It is truly the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard on this show, and Tyrion’s defense of his size is as legendary as he is.

Petyr Baelish is back in King’s Landing, and his run-in with Lancel provides us with yet another priceless interaction. I don’t often root for Petyr, but in the precious seconds here he had me cheering. His indifference towards Lancel borders on exasperation (if only he thought Lancel worth such an emotion) which is pretty much how I feel about Lancel myself. Despite everything that went down two weeks ago, I simply cannot deal with him—he’s like that friend you have that nobody really likes but he can’t take a hint.

Lancel isn’t the only Lannister getting Petyr’s guff, either. He goes on to admonish Cersei’s for arming the Faith Militant, pointing out the obvious fact that the members of House Tyrell won’t tolerate the arrest of their heir, and that they’ll take it out on the royal family. But Cersei continues to play Shaggy’s “It Wasn’t Me,” and they move on to other matters.

Petyr informs Cersei that Sansa is alive, well, and set to marry Ramsay Bolton, all the while keeping his own involvement in the betrothal out of the picture. Cersei is somehow still convinced that Sansa is to blame for Joffrey’s death, and while I realize grief can do terrible things to you, it’s hard to believe that Cersei thinks Sansa is capable of murder. As much as I want Sansa to take vengeance by the sword, it’s just not her way. Cersei knows Sansa well—she was always perceptive when it came to Sansa’s desires and overall character, so I can only say that Cersei’s continued suspicion is evidence of her decline.

Petyr offers the knights of the Vale to the Throne, and claims that Cersei will need them if she wants to take back the North. In return, Petyr wishes to be made Warden of the North following all the battles that are gonna go down there. Cersei also demands Sansa’s head on a spike, to which Petyr replies, “I live to serve.” But to serve whom, exactly? No idea what his end game is here, nor have I ever been able to figure out his intentions beyond putting his tongue in Sansa’s mouth, so…Meanwhile in King’s Landing…

Olenna Tyrell is back and ballin’, praise baby Jesus. Unfortunately, after the miracle of her arrival, things start to go downhill for the Tyrells—during Loras’ inquisition by the High Sparrow, both he and Margaery play the denial card, but then Olyvar shows up and spills the gay beans. Consequently, Loras is arrested for getting more action than the entirety of the Faith Militant combined, and Margaery for being his wingman. (Alright, so I’m paraphrasing, but you guys watched the episode—you get it.)

The Faith Militant, ladies and gents. Evidence of the importance of separation of church and state.

Further South in Dorne, Trystane and Myrcella want to get married so they can bang respectfully. (That, I believe, may be the extent of their relationship.) Jaime and Bronn pull a cockblock, only to be interrupted by the Sand Snakes, who provide a pretty radical fight scene in their attempt to kidnap Myrcella and do god knows what to her. Before they can manage it, though, Areo Hotah busts in and breaks up the party, and everyone gets arrested like this scene was cut straight outta a ‘90s teen movie. Don’t me wrong, I was digging that fight choreography and all, but I expected more from Dorne this week, considering the episode’s named for House Martell’s words. Ah, well—at least the Sand Snakes had something to do this time.

Way on the other end of Westeros, Sansa prepares for her wedding. Myranda draws her a bath and attempts to unhinge Sansa yet again, this time by telling her about Ramsay’s lovers and their deaths. What purpose Myranda thought this would serve, I don’t know. Whatever the reason, Myranda’s intended victim isn’t interested. Dark Sansa comes out to play, pulling out the stops and everything she’s learned—I swear, it was like hearing Cersei talk shit back in her heyday, and therefore it was glorious.

But it doesn’t last. I really wish the writers would give Sansa the opportunity to use these skills against the Boltons instead of the kennel master’s daughter, but I guess that just wasn’t in the cards this week.

I could talk about how Sansa’s dressed to the nines, or the ethereal setting of the wedding, but by the time the credits rolled I just didn’t care about any of that anymore. Our final scene treats us to Sansa and Ramsay’s wedding night as he bends her over the bed and all but rapes her while Theon is forced to watch. She doesn’t protest or fight, but I’m here to tell you, kids, obligatory sex isn’t consensual, and Ramsay makes no effort to do as he promised Petyr: He does hurt Sansa, and he does it on purpose.

I knew Sansa’s marriage to Ramsay would have to be consummated. I know Ramsay’s a psychopath. What I don’t know is what purpose Sansa’s abuse serves to the plot. Does she need more fuel to feed her vengeance against the Boltons? I think the Red Wedding is fresh enough in everyone’s mind that the answer to that should be a resounding “no.” Does the show really need to push these boundaries, or are they just that desperate to be “edgy”? How much does Sansa need to be hurt before the writers concede that, at this point, it’s totally superfluous?

I know this show. I know that to be disturbing is part of its MO. The thing is, generally the disturbing stuff lends to the forward momentum for the plot—Bran’s fall, the Red Wedding, Joffrey’s death, you get the picture. But you can’t convince me that Sansa’s suffering is all part of some master plan when her suffering has already brought her to this point, all so she can suffer some more. Why did they hype up Sansa’s status as a player in the game if they were just going to victimize her again?

I have faith in Sansa. She has and always will be a survivor. I’m just not sure that I trust the writers with her anymore. Maybe we’ll see, maybe I’ll change my tune when we see what’s in store for the next few weeks, but there’s a zero percent chance that I’ll look back on this scene and think, “Wow, good thing they put that in, otherwise the story really would’ve fallen apart!”

What did my fellow Unsullieds think? Whose face is Arya going to try on first? What is Petyr Baelish up to, and will we ever find out for sure? What hell is Olenna Tyrell about to raise in King’s Landing? And, dear god, when is Sansa going to cut off Ramsay’s cock like we all so desperately need her to?

Remember — speculation is encouraged, spoilers aren’t! Please refrain from posting book spoilers here! Feel free to discuss the episode in the comments or Tweet me @kitmaj_, but don’t ruin any surprises for the viewers who haven’t read the books. Thanks, and see you next week!

A special note to viewers who may have been triggered by Sansa’s scene: Sansa’s a survivor, and so are you. I’ve been there and I’m here for you, as are countless others.

• Published on 05/18/2015 at 12:22 AM CDT
• Last updated on 10/21/2016 at 1:04 PM CDT